I’ve struggled with low self-esteem for most of my life. It’s something that’s hard to explain or even talk about. It’s so personal, that even right now, as I write this, I feel like I’m giving a big piece of myself away that nobody asked for. I’ve always believed that the first step to solving a problem is acknowledging that there is one. We have to acknowledge and confront our issues first before we can begin the process of finding a solution. Low self-esteem is a feeling of doubt and disbelief in one’s self (At least, that’s how I understand it). It could stem from childhood or various past negative experiences with other people. If you feel like you never had anyone to uplift you or encourage you, or someone to make you feel good about yourself, and now, as an adult you find it hard to see yourself in a positive light, you perhaps struggle with low self-esteem. Low self-esteem can also happen as a result of experiencing being raised by a parent who was physically and emotionally abusive, being body shamed, being bullied, etc.
We all tend to have negative perceptions of ourselves from time to time, and that’s absolutely normal. It would be unrealistic for us to aspire to perfection because we were born naturally imperfect. Imperfections and flaws are certainly alright to have, but, what isn’t alright is defining ourselves with those imperfections. On your worst days, it can be hard to find anything positive to say about yourself. Negative thoughts tend to creep in easily during those days. However, even when you feel out of control, like you can’t do anything to stop those thoughts from flooding in, remember that you still hold the power, and you can stop those negative thoughts whenever you wish.
Self-love is a term we use ever so often in popular culture. But what is the deeper meaning behind this radical movement that pushes for us to prioritize our well-being, and choose our happiness over everything? This is how I see it: How you grew up and how your parents chose to love you greatly affected your developing sense of self as a child. If you were raised by parents whose way of showing love was more so conditional, based on their mood or how ‘well-behaved’ or compliant you were, you perhaps cultivated the idea that you had to act a certain way to be worthy of receiving love. Now as an adult, in various platonic or romantic relationships, you find yourself playing a part, or pretending to be someone you’re not, simply to be validated so as to receive affection from others. This phenomenon can also be referred to as People-Pleasing. One way to unlearn this deeply-rooted and conditioned habit is through the practice of ‘self-validation’, which involves responding to your unmet needs by valuing yourself, seeing yourself as good enough and worthy, encouraging yourself, and affirming to yourself that you are not defined by the perspectives of others, and regardless of how others choose to see or treat you, their actions are their own responsibility and so are yours.
It’s easier said than done, of course. As adults, we are all, for the most part, learning what it really means to love and be loved all over again (But, really, for the very first time). Some people are fortunate enough to experience the kind of healthy relationships they didn’t have as children, growing and healing together through the ups and downs of love. While others spend more time becoming self-aware of their traumas and figuring out ways to begin healing steadily on their own before involving themselves with others. So, keep in mind that everyone is doing what’s best for them, and the pace you’re in is the right pace, and there is no such thing as a perfect pace. Sure, others may seem ahead of you, and sometimes you feel like a late bloomer, at really, everything. But, I’m certain that there are people out there who think that you are way ahead of them. Everyone is on their own journey, and we are all walking on different paths in life. Healing is not an easy process and it was never supposed to be. Adulting is overrated, and also, underrated. There is so much we still don’t know…about ourselves, about others, and the world around us.
You can always begin again and it is never too late to start over. Being alive can be terribly painful, but it can also be incredibly beautiful. I don’t really believe in following a purpose or a set goal. I believe more in doing my best despite my present circumstances, and creating a way even when things seem impossible. Life can be a hard game to play. But the secret to winning is playing like there is no one you need to compete with. Because, again, we are all on our own journeys. And also, you get ahead by just minding your own business and doing your own thing. Success isn’t always loud, it can also be quiet and humble. No matter how far you travel, and no matter how fast or slow you get there, as a great actor once said, “The reward was in the journey.” Your experiences, your memories, the kind of life you’ve led, and the kind of life you’ll keep on leading is the most important thing. So, remember to stay humbled by your experiences. Be humble, always.
Thank you for making it this far. Thank you for being here. I’ll see you in the next story, friend. Don’t forget to give yourself some love today. You’re doing great. Take care.
Warmly, Grace.
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